his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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