Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
