you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
