Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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