and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
