Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She told me I should be a condom model.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
