Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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