batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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