Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
