I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
