My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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