so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
