Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
