Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
