he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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