I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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