i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
