I skipped work to stalk him.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
