I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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