he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
