Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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