well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I smell like Dick and happiness
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