So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
