The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
