just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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