then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
