I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
