I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
