Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
nutella sex= disaster
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
