And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
