CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
