He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
