So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
