It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You should frame my arrest warrant.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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