I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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