Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
We smell like vodka and hangover
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
