he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
