fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
