i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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