"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Someone shattered a urinal.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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