oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
my shit smells like andre
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
