If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
