no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
