and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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