I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
