Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
