The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
