dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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