I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
