i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
