Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
