found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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