I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
